That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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