remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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