Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
