i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
