She is in my trunk
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
