He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
