I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
