is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
