He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm jealous of your bromance
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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