Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
