Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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