Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
