He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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