I have demons in me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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