pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
