fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize