Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize