is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
