Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
only you would photoshop your dick
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
