my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
