I think im going to throw up on grandma
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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