dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
