I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
