I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
