please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
