im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
