This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
