I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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