No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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