So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dicks are not precious.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
