Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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