By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
