I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
