I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
