Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Welp...herpes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
