Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
