If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
