doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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