She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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