I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
