Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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