I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
