omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
