Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
