So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i need to put some appletini on your dick
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
