I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
