Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sober January is a disaster.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
