I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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