Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
