FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
