Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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