I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
