I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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