Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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