i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
