it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
