I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
