i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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