if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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