i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
