dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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