It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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