and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
that's an acceptable place to lick
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
