I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize