Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
