after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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