Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
