I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
