My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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