apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize