Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
