It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
