she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
