I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
