Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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