But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
