1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
