when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
