So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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