great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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