Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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