dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
