dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
