I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
