Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
