I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
