I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
