I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
