Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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