You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize