i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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