I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
