No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
