What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
