Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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