I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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