First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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