hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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