If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
