Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
