So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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