Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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