i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's never too late to be topless.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
do nipples grow back?
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