That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We just shotgunned beers for America
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
