Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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