i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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