dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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