Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
