I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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