he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
operation have a gay friend backfired
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
