It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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