Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
