I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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