Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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