The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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