This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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